Saturday, February 12, 2011

Bonita Lou Barbara (Morrill) Vandervort

Bonita Lou Barbara (Morrill) Vandervortt died, February 11 following a brave battle with cancer.

Bonnie was born to Russell and Margaret (Siverly) on October 22, 1942. She was the oldest of 5, and cared for her siblings, enjoying base ball and other games with the children of her neighborhood.

Losing her mother at the tender age of 5, she and her siblings and father were blessed with the loving mother, Charlotte Mae (Zell) Morrill, who raised them as her own.

Bonnie graduated from Bradford High School, 1961 in Kenosha Wisconsin. She married and raised her family. Following the death of her husband, She returned to college and received her degree in Restaurant Management. She traveled around the country, finally meeting and being united in marriage to Steve Vandervort in New Auburn Wisconsin December 7, 1991. In the late 1990’s, they moved to Sidney Montana to be close to her daughters. She made her last trip to Texas December 2010.

She was an accomplished seamstress, and enjoyed playing with and learning the newest computer technologies. Bonnie enjoyed cooking, gardening and canning vegetables, and never forgot the birthdays and anniversaries of her extended family. She was never afraid to take on a challenge.

She is survived by her husband, Steven Paul Vandervort, Sidney Montana. Her daughter, Marjorie (Ronald) Dahle of Bowie, Texas, her son, Roger (Shellie) Lindley of Amarillo Texas and her daughter Sheila Ohlin of Sidney Montana. 10 grand children and 2 great grandchildren. Three brothers, Danny (Lu) Morrill and James Morrill of Ft Atkinson Wisconsin, Gary (Barb) Morrill, Fredric Wisconsin and one sister Linda Wickline, Kenosha Wisconsin. Numerous nieces and nephews. She also claimed and adopted many friends, into her family

Bonnie was preceded in death, and greeted in heaven by her loving parents, Margaret (Siverly) Morrill, Russell Morrill, and Charlotte (Zell) Morrill, one niece, Carla Morrill, one nephew, Darrell Lindley, grandparents and aunts and uncles, and her first husband, Willie Lee Lindley.

Bonnie has requested that internment be by her children, at the sites of her parents and first husband (Golden MS, Kenosha Wisconsin & Chetek Wisconsin). To honor this request, her children will pilgrimage in the early spring, and a memorial will be held in Kenosha Wisconsin to celebrate her life. For any one wishing information on the time and place, please contact a family member.

In lieu of flowers, honorariums to help defer the cost of the pilgrimage or Memorials may be sent to 367 Indian School road, Bowie Texas 76234.

Honorary Pallbearers

Honorary Pallbearers

Friends:
Dave Meehan,
Bill Cundiff,
Larry Knels
Sonny (Wilmer) Lorenz
Michael Tac Buchanan


Her grandsons:
Ryan Dahle
Aaron Kringen
Juan Soban
Carl Soban
Brandon Kringen
Erik Ohlin
Clayton Lindley
Todd Ohlin

What a glorious morning

Today I awoke a little after 8am, and my first thought was, "Oh my gosh, Mom" as usually I would be up by 6 to start her morning needs and breakfast.  I was into the hall way thing, wow I overslept, before registering what had transpied the previous day. What a hit to the gut! Instant pangs of missing mom. 

As hard as it was to let her go, I am so grateful that Roger-Tressa-Christine-Keira the monsters and Ron were here, as we were able to console on another in a way that only family can do.  What mixed blessing to be so saddened by the loss of a parent, but to have the privalaged joy of little feet and giggles romping around, what would have been an awful time.  Those little guys will never know what an important role they played in my heart ache.  They always make me smile and remind me of the purpose of our time here on this earth.  Their sweet little faces are God's pure love magnified a bazillion times over.

I am so glad the Steve was here with family, and not alone.  Although he has a great and wonderful church family in Sidney, who have been there for him every step of the way.  He has received so many calls-cards and emails.  I cannot express how much it has ment to him to keep in touch with those is has grown close to.

I will include mom's obituary, that will post in the following newspapers: Sidney, MT-Bowie, TX-Amarillo, TX-Chetek WI-and Kenosha

Because of the distance, and mother natures relentless blast of unpredictable weather, Roger and I felt it would be easier for us to travel to Kenosha, than for everyone to attempt to travel here.  Mom's wishes were to be cremated and her ashes interned with her parents and my dad, we will be making the journey sometime in the spring-early summer, and have a grand celebration of her life, including the songs of her choice which included her favorite "Hank Williams".  Roger and I always knew when she was mad, sad or ready tokill someone, swhen we came home and found ol Hank Blasting on the record player.  We knew it was- stay clear of mom time!! Ha ha

As I requested before, please keep the stories and memories coming, as we will be compiling a scrapbook of sorts to share at her memorial.  I think it will be fun for all to see and share.

Again, I want to thank everyone who has so diligently called, or written in which ever capacity.  It has been inspirering for us all.

Luv to all

Friday, February 11, 2011

Mom's Passing

Mom was greeting by those loved ones who have passed before her, about 2pm today. We are all so thankful and blessed by the experience of caring for her needs in these final days. Although short, her time here in Texas was filled with memories and happy times.

She enjoyed all the company who came to see her, the phone calls, cards and emails. To all who sent them, thank you for the bright spots in her day. She looked forward to seeing who wrote to her or posted on her blog or face book. It was one of our favorite times in the morning. Much more fun than the pokes and prods she endured do to her condition.

She really enjoyed all the emails from her cousin Pat, he child hood friend Paul and her Sister in Law Margaret. Thank you for never forgetting her, and NO-you were never bothering or interrupting anything that could not wait.

Mom always joked she would come back to haunt those 'who done her wrong' but I know she is just another angle among us. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing her to pass from this earth is a calm and peaceful way. She was so scared of being in pain or going through trauma. Just proves Heavenly Father knows his stuff!!!

Roger and I have decided to return Mom to Kenosha. She has requested to be cremated, so we will honor her wishes. Due to the long distance and cost of travel these days, Roger and I will plan a memorial in Kenosha later this spring or early summer. We will celebrate her life were it began so many years ago. I think it will make for a grand reunion of sorts, and give everyone a chance to make plans to attend who wish to and are able. She was against a traditional funeral, as she didn't want anyone “boo-hoo'n” as she put it. I think the memorial to celebrate her life at Washington Park perhaps, or one of the parks were she spent time with her family and friends as a child.

As we develop plans, we will certainly keep everyone posted, and accept suggestions. For now, enjoy your families, and appreciate those you love. They are very precious, and you never know when Heavenly Father will call you or a loved one home. Make every day special while you have the chance.

I have one request. Please take some time to write a short or long, note about how mom may have affected your life, or a great story to share. I think it would be amazing to put them together in a book and share them at the memorial.

Luv to all

Today is Friday

I wish I had better news for everyone, including me! Mom slipped into a peaceful sleep last night and has rested comfortably since.  She appears to be free of pain and comfortable. The things I continue to pray for.  It is not easy watching her slip further and further away, but I am finding comfort in faith and the love of Christ, and know she will soon be with friends and family she has missed and longed for.  In the comfort of the arms of Heavenly Father now, and her fight  is slowly coming to an end.

What great strength there is is knowing, that although we may suffer challenges in our lives for our short time while we are here on this earth, we reap great rewards for our eternity.  No matter the trial or tribulation in my life, I am always able to find solace in the truth of Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father.  I almost cannot fathom that Christ came to this earth, for the pure purpose of the love of man and to insure their immortality.  How undeserving I am of that love and promise. Yet, the promise of that love is all a person needs to get them through the toughest of times, we need only to embrace it. The greatest proof of a Fathers love. Just as we, as parents, do our best to protect our children and do our best to protect them from themselves.

Luv to all for a blessed day, and don't forget to tell the ones you love, you love the.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Quiet day

Mom was blessed with a wonderful afternoon yesterday, and an awesome conversation with Roger. I had gone into town for an appointment. The morning was sad, as mom was not really coherent, and struggled trying to find a comfortable place.  She was very weak, and needed 100% attention.  My awesome mother in law came to care for mom while I was gone.  Upon my return, mom was on the phone with Roger, and had eaten sherbet ice cream (her favorite) and had drank more water in half an hour than in the past 3 days!  It was wonderful to have her back, even if it was for a short time.  She had a very restful night, and a plesant day today.  She still sleeps most of the time, but appears to be comfortable and pain free.

Hospice brought her an air mattress today, to try to make her more comfortable.  Things just get sore, when you lay in the same place most of the time.  I try to get her to lay to her side, but doesn't last long, as her hip hurts her so bad.  What ever she want, in order to keep her comfy.

We were blessed with 5 of the cutest lab puppies today.  Tressa's dog woke Christine up about 1am.  Guess the proud papa knew his honey might need help.  Tressa stayed up with her, I went back to bed, as Tressa & Lucy(the mama) appeared to have everything under control.
I awoke this morning to find a head count of 3.  By 10am -the count was 4 boys- 1 girl.  All the darker yellow lab. Cute Cute Cute!!!!







I am excited to see my little monster men and my favorite daughter in law (and the baby granddaughter she' pack'n) tomorrow.  They are coming over to hang out.  Think we will make cookies! In case you didn't get it from the previous sentences, I kinda like my monsters and their mama allot!!!!!!!!! Really allot! She's a most spectacular mother! The boys are recovering from double ear infections. Poor guys.  Gramma cuddle time should be great medicine! (if not for them it will be the best medicine for me)

We are expecting another cool 10 degrees during the night.  BUT-YEA-warming up from here.  60's over the weekend and into the upper 70's Thursday next week! I am soooooo ready for spring!!!!!



Well onward and forward. Hope everyone is having a wonderful evening. I want to thank everyone again who has sent mom emails and cards, or called and sent face-book messages.  I read them all to her.  We are all grateful for the prayers.  My prayers for her now primarily are for her peace and comfort.
 It is important to her to not be alone.  She is never alone, ad the girls are here and between us all, we have been able to insure all her needs are promptly met. 

I am so blessed to have this time with her, and am so grateful to all those who had a hand in getting her here without incident.  I praise God for his enormous hand in accomplishing all the things that have been needed, and seem almost magically to come together. Not magic, just the big man's hands all over it! So glad Faith and Prayers are such awesome gifts from our Heavenly Father.  How amending it is to understand how his grace and love nurture us and protect us from ourselves!

Luv to all, hug your luved ones tight!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tuesday February 8

Once again, we are bracing for COOOOLD weather.  7 degrees tomorrow night! Wa hoo! Not!!! I am ready for summer.  Spring planting usually starts about mid March.  I bet the green houses are suffering this year.  I will stay toasty warm in the house. Cuz I will stay In the House!

My poor lab is so fat and even she gets to be in the house. She is due any day, and looks like she might have about 20 pups! Guess all pregnant females feel that way.

Mom is slowly slipping away from us. She is comfortable and free of pain, which is the goal I set and am currently accomplishing.  We have many conversations, which change rapidly from one subject to the next, but she appears to be happy and not stressing so that gives me comfort.

I find myself seeking Heavenly Fathers comfort more and more.  Guess I actually take time to  pray more rather than pray when I have time!!!! Is it not sad that it takes lessons in our life's to allow things to affect us to make better choices? We need to learn forward, not back words.....
Please continue the prayers for peace and comfort for mom, they are working.

Luv to all!

Always Preparing

Have you ever noticed, we are always preparing? The next meal, what to have for supper? What to wear to work? Which shoes go with that outfit? Ok-so maybe that is girlie thing!!!! The new snow storm we are expected to get on Tuesday night, oh wait that is today!!! Better get prepared!!

But the biggest preparation, we all put off, is our immortality. We all have our own way of preparing. Most of the time, we always think, we have so much time. For mom her time is now short.  She was preparing before Roger and I mad it to Montana to get her in December.  She had found all her important papers, made sure I knew were everything was, and bills she had paid, but been double billed for....they weren't getting any more of her money!!! We are always preparing. Now as the time grows, closer, even I have been preparing for mom's departure from this world, or have I.  I still think there is more time, to say all the things I need to say, do all i things I need to do......but in the end are any of us ever ready?

Mom's speech is slow and almost inaudible now. She can no longer drink through the straw. Now is the time for me to prepare for what awaits int he coming days. I am so glad Roger, Shellie and Clayton were able to be here this weekend, along with Tress and Christine.  She so enjoyed the company.  She needed to say goodbye.  After they all left, she said she was glad she could visit with them, and knew it would be the last time she would see Roger.  How proud she was of Clayton and the girls. How awesome Brandon was doing, and what a fine young man he had become. How proud she was of her Grandkids.  She was so happy that Roger had done such a fine job of making a wonderful life for his family.

She was happy to have been able to finally get to Texas (our house) and so have seen the beautiful home Roger and Shellie had built.  She gave me a few praises as well, that I humble accepted.

She was also so grateful that her brothers and Sister had been able to make it down, while she was still able to get around

It has been terrible hard to watch her body fail, but I am grateful to the Lord that he allowed her mind to stay sharp, so that she could communicate her wishes, her love and her needs.

I am so thankfull that I have had this opportunity to care for her, and to make her remaining time as comfortable and peaceful as possible. I wouldn't have changed that for the world.  Our parents give us so much, it is only a tiny way I can repay all she has done for me over the years.

Please pray for her comfort and  know that she loves you all.  We thank everyone for all the prayers an, calls and emails.  They are all so appreciated.

Luv to all-Make time to talk to our Heavenly Father and remember to tell the ones you love you love 'em!!! Cuz before ya know it, they will have slipped away..................

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Go Packers!!!!

Well, I cheered for the Steelers to day just to keep Ron and Steve fired up.  It worked! Ron was late getting home, so I DVR'd it for him, and we didn't skip through he commercials, since we all know the commercials are the best part. So just as the clock rolled down to 2:07 minutes left,....wait for it.... yep you got it. Stopped recording and went to GLEE. Not a good thing for Mr. Ron.  He is just not the musical type. More the watch em kill some'thin on the hunting channel!

It is a good thing the Packers won, cuz if the Steelers had won, I think he might have gone postal!

He did get to see a few more of the last second high lights on the NFL daily show or what ever it  is called so all is well.

It was a good game.  I had to stay a closet cheese head until the end.  Really, how much fun would it have been to have all three of us cheering on the Packers with absolutely no opposition????

Roger, Shellie and Clayton left about noonish I think.  Roger and Clayton have a standing Super Bowl Party date tradition that started when Clayton was in kindergarten or first grade.  What a great tradition.  I know Roger is still a huge Packer fan, so I'm beating there was allot of cerebrating going on!

Since there is not much going on at work this week, I plan to stay home with MOM tomorrow rather than make the trek into Fort Worth.

Saturday was a wonderfully warm day, compared to the freezing temps we have endured the past week.  I saw posts on facebook that Texas must be either schizophrenic or bipolar-literally!! haha

Hope everyone enjoyed there Super Bowl Sunday festivities, and that 'your' team won.

Luv to all, and don't forget to tell the ones you luv, that you luv 'em!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Super Bowl Saterday

Yep, it has been a super day.  So nice when family is around.  Roger, Shellie and Clayton arrived early this afternoon. As did my redheads! Cooper and Jessie too.  SO we have the Hotel Dahle in the living room.  It is amazing how many beds fit in my living room! haha

Ron can home this evening, not feeling very well.

I have a house full of Packer fans, so guess I will have to  bet on the Steelers, just to add a bit of interest to the game. (But since I am from Wisconsin, guess I secretly am hoping for the Packers-Just don't tell anyone pleaze!!)


Now that the blizzard/ice storm has come and gone, all the crazies were out at Walmart.  You know it is busy when they have traffic patrol in the store directing carts.

Mom has rested most of the day.  She is sleeping more and more, and eating less and less.  Breakfast was, tomato soup and ice cream.  But if she will eat, I will cook whatever she wants. She has enjoyed having Roger, his family and the girls here and visited for a while between naps.

Luv to all, and hope your 'team' wins tomorrow!!!!

Super Bowl Saterday

Yep, it has been a super day.  So nice when family is around.  Roger, Shellie and Clayton arrived early this afternoon. As did my redheads! Cooper and Jessie too.  SO we have the Hotel Dahle in the living room.  It is amazing how many beds fit in my living room! haha

Ron can home this evening, not feeling very well.

I have a house full of Packer fans, so guess I will have to  bet on the Steelers, just to add a bit of interest to the game. (But since I am from Wisconsin, guess I secretly am hoping for the Packers-Just don't tell anyone pleaze!!)


Now that the blizzard/ice storm has come and gone, all the crazies were out at Walmart.  You know it is busy when they have traffic patrol in the store directing carts.

Mom has rested most of the day.  She is sleeping more and more, and eating less and less.  Breakfast was, tomato soup and ice cream.  But if she will eat, I will cook whatever she wants. She has enjoyed having Roger, his family and the girls here and visited for a while between naps.

Luv to all, and hope your 'team' wins tomorrow!!!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Friday the 4th

Mom is spending most of the time sleeping. Eating and drinking are not high on her priority list.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make her all better. Wish full thinking. I guess I just don't like having my mom sick.

I feel very blessed to have the privilege to care for her when she needs help the most.  I have enjoyed hearing the same old stories about her child hood and her child hood. For obvious reasons they have allot more meaning now. I am so grateful that I have this time to spend with her now.  I am do very thankful Roger and & I were able to bring her down when we did. She gets to be with those who love her.

It is very hard to watch her body fail her so.  Never easy to accept the inevitable.  Why is it that we all live day after day, and forget to recognize the importance of what we do and who we affect each day.

If only we would all treat each day as if it were our last! If only we would each treat each other as though it may be the last time we see each other!  If only we would treat each other the way God intended us to treat our fellow man!

The world would then be perfect!!

Thanks for letting me vent.......Luv to all and remember to tell the ones you love, you love em!!!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Hump day!

It's hump day. Not the typical middle of the week kinda hump day, but the fact that we are through the worst of the cold weather here in Texas.  I think our high today was 15.  Suppose to get to -2 tonight.  For those of  you up north, I know this is just a normal winter day, but for us Texans (and yes I am officially a Texan-I was told when you have been here a year, your official-so I'm gonna go with that!!!) It is too freak'n cold!

Down here they don't bury water lines 6 ft deep, in fact most homes don't even have them buried! I am so glad we put in new insulation in our home remodel (ok-actually home  rebuild) but we still have not gotten the insulation into the attic!!! The heat bill is a bit ridiculous, but we are  keeping  warm.

I am not gonna complain to much, as it is going to warm up Saturday into the upper 50's.  Those up north are going to be stuck with snow for a long long time. I worry about the melt and then the flooding! Never a dull moment. Do you suppose it's mother natures sense of humor or is she just plain pissed off at the world. I know a few people like that! ha ha

We received a picture from moms cousin, showing the snow after they plowed, was up toi his armpit!  I'll just keep my 3-4 inches.  We don't even own a snow shovel.  Real Texans just let it melt!

For those of you who have been sending mom messages and emails, I have been reading them to her and she truly lights up. Her child hood friend who now lives in Alaska,(Way toooo cold for me-but Ron wants to visit so maybe someday) has written several times, and shared old memories.  Sure makes her smile!!!

She is having less pain, so her pain meds are down. Hope that is a good thing, but not sure.  About the time I think I have it figured out, it changes, so I guess I will just keep going with the flow.

Well it's official, we ran out of propane. Guess I spoke too soon earlier in this post. The truck was scheduled for Tuesday, but, well the weather--they are not running.  No worries, we have electric heaters, and mom is nice and toasty.  Ron is currently picking the heaters up from the storage unit.  We never get bored around here, that is for sure.

Roger and his family will be here for the weekend. Mom is looking forward to seeing Clayton(Roger's son) again.  She didn't get much time with Shellie (Rogers wife) when we brought mom & Steve down from Montana, so maybe they can get some time this trip.  I am glad it is not that far to Amarillo.  About 4 1/2 hours, although with the roads may take longer.  I am sure under the circomstances, it gets to be a very long drive for Roger.

I love hang'n with Clayton. I have been fortunate to have had two super great trips with  him this year! He is a blast.  I am sure he thinks I'm just his weird 'old' crazy aunt, not necessarily in that order!!!

I have 4 more online tests to take (Continuing Education Units) as required to maintain my weed sprayer license.  Guess tonight would be a good night to get that done, while it is quiet. I have fought with my computer today, getting a log in failure message at login! ugg. so I just cheated and used mom's.  I will have to tackle that as well.  Like I said, never a dull moment around here!!!!

Stay warm, and tell the ones ya love, ya luv 'em!!!

Luv to all, and may God bless

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

It's a bit frosty here!

Today's high, was a warm 14 degrees. We currently have below zero wind chills.  This is hardest on the animals I think.  We are warm and cozy in our little shack on the flat!  As long as the power does not go out.

We have a generator, but like usual, it is not ready.  It is in the shed. Hoping it just can stay there!!!

Mom has slept the day away.  Awake long enough to each a few bites, but she has really rested. She has not done that for weeks.  Maybe she can catch up on some rest, and gain some strength back.  She is not asking for pain meds, so she's not hurting near as much. 

One of the side affects is rash and itching.  It seems to migrate. It was worst on her arm, a week ago or so, didn't itch for the first 5 days, then she pretty much wanted a wire brush to scratch with!.  It is now very prevalent on her back side.  Not a good place to be uncomfortable when you spend allot of time on your back in  bed.  I think the worst of it is over.

Hoping the propane truck comes on Wednesday.  Getting a bit low, but we have the old standby electric heaters, just in case.  I stocked up on most everything, I think, so other than watching from the inside out, and having to go out and do chores, not so bad.

I felt so bad for Ron.  He was out in it all day chasing compressors that kept dying and running wells. I really just do not miss the cold north winters.  This week is Heavenly fathers way of reminding me to appreciate the great south weather.  I would still rather have the few days of cold, than the multiple months were I come from.  You Eskimos have keep your snow! lol

Better get back to work.  It is wonderful to be able to work from home! Stayed in my PJ's all day, with the exception of the sasquatch suit I put on to go out and feed critters, who I might add, were very happy to see me!!!!!

Enjoy your evening and keep warm, The first pic is from Feb 12 last year, the snow is much deeper this year.  The second pic is my poor olyanders.  They were so heady with ice and snow they are bent to the ground.  They stand about 7-8 ft tall.


Luv to all from the frozen tundra...............

Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday the last day of the month

January is going out like  a lion! We had such wonderful weather. Today was windy, but light jacket weather.  Now, well lets just say, I will be staying inside for the next day or so.

I went to work today, and my wonderful mother in law, came over to stay with mom.  I ended up gone much longer than expected, as Christine's pickup, once again had issues.  I think her pick up hates me!!!

Ron changed the alternator last Sunday.  It was still showing a big draw on the battery and her battery would go dead.  She had it checked and they said it was good. Yea right.  Checked the alternator, and the new one -the one Ron just put in, was only putting out 11 amps! Ugg, no time for this right now!!

O=Picked up a new one, and put it in. Made it 9 miles to Walmart just in the nick of time as the headlights were out as she pulled into the parking lot!  changed the battery, and still problems.  Sleeting, cold...yuck!!!! So, he pick up is here, and she has mine.  just could not risk her traveling all the way home (1 1/2 hour drive) to risk a breakdown in this weather.  Sent her home.  She had rain, and the temp was down to 32. Hoping she would make it home before the roads froze.

She called, and made it safely. Yea!!!  They have already closed most of the schools in the area, UNT (girls college) too! Lots of kids and teachers get to sleep in!

Mom is resting, had a busy day.  She has been able to cut down on her pain meds, and tonight she sounded better than she has since last Thursday.  She was tired, but her voice and attitude were stronger.

Thanks again for all who call and write.  Keep up the great work!!! It means allot to her and Steve.  Here's hoping Pat 7 Bill made it home without incident!!!!

Luv to all, and God Bless

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bill and Pat Cundiff Visit today

Today we were blessed with a visit from their friends Pat & Bill Cundiff.  They have family in Weatherford, which is about and hour and a half from here.  They had just move here last fall from Oregon. What a small world.  Bill and Pat were able to enjoy some of our wonderful warm Texas weather.  They will be going back home to Sidney, to a toasty high of -4........ I SOOO don't miss Montana winters.

And I was complaining it is going to be in the 20's mid week.  But at least it will warm up here before summer!!! heheheheheheh yes that is me snickering.

It was so great of the Cundiffs' to  surprise mom and Steve. I truly hope they have an uneventful trip home, with no weather delays!!!! It was great to see you.

Mom has rested rather well. I think she is appreciating the quiet of the country, more so today!
Over all, it has been a quiet day spent, resting with the company of old friends.

Her appetite is poor, but she is eating and I am proud to say, my coking is much better than the hospital. Mom told me so, so it must be true!!!

Getting her to drink more fluids, is not any easy task.  I'm a think'n she is tired of hearing me prod her to try a little bit more!!! But if being her ornery daughter means her feeling better, I am up to the challenge!!!

Well lets hope tomorrow will be just a boring!!!!

Luv to all

A goods night rest

We all managed a solid-good nights sleep last night.  I checked on mom numerous time, but she slept through the night and did not require any additional pain meds. So glad she got some well needed peace and quiet.

Bill and Pat Cunduff will be here to visit this afternoon. They are friends of Mom & Steve, from their church back home. Steve and Bill became very good friends, and the Cunduff's were "Lil Girl"s second home while mom was in the hospital in both Sidney and Billings.  They were so kind to take her in and care for her.  It gave Mom and Steve peace of mind were she was concerned.

Lil Girl has discovered that she really is a dog and not a people, as she now resides outside with our labs.  She adjusted fairly well, but I am sure she would rather sleep in Steve's bed if she were to get the opportunity.  I'm sure she views me as the bad guy, but she shed so much, and considering we are dealing with oxygen and keeping things clean, it was just a choice that  needed to be made.

We have enjoyed exceptionally warm weather lately.  I heard it was up to 79 yesterday.  I missed most of it,  The previous day was in the 70's as well.  We sure get spoiled to this warm stuff, so I am not going to complain to loudly when we get the expected 29 for a high on Tuesday!! Guess ya just have to take the good with the bad,  Having a 'few' of those bad days, should just make me appreciate the good days, RIGHT??? That's the story I'm gonna go with!!!! ha ha I know those of you who have suffered the harsh cold winter thus far this year, are finding little to no sympathy for me, so with that I would just like to point out that, you are used to the continued cold, we have 40 plus degree changes in matters of hours, which creates a traumatic temp change, not to mention never knowing which coat to actually take with you!  What, still not finding any sympathy for me? OK I'll quit whining!!!!

Well guess I will go bake something yummy for Pat & Bill.  I know Steve is excited to see them both.  He gets awe fully bored with us two nagging woman all the time. He is certainly outnumbered, as Ron works most of the time. He certainly enjoyed the visit from Mom's siblings

Thanks again for all the calls & prayers! They are so appreciated!!!!!'
Luv to all,

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Back Home again!

Here is a quick update:  WE are back home again. No heart damage.  The Doctor said she is was dehydrated and exhausted. He wants her to rest. My question is how are you suppose to do that in the hospital.  It is loud, the bells and intercom calls to the nurses on the floor. Helicopters flying in and out. and on and on and on.

She is now home tucked in her bed, were the quiet and comfort of being home and safe can encompass her.

I Must give kudos to the ambulance crew. They were quick and actually found us. They were professional and efficient. Way to go guys.

The Bowie Hospital did their best, but we happened to get there during the 'holiday rush" or something.   I need to check to see if there was a full moon or something.  The ER was over flowing, and the nurses on the floor were recruited to the ER shorting the staff on the floor.  I stayed with her, as trying to get a nurse to do some of the basic bodily tasks, while confined to bed are rather unattainable. I can't recommend their menu.  Ordering out might be a better plan!

The hospice group is awesome. The continue to amaze me every step of the way.  They are always there, for any and everything. They are a tremendous support group through out it all.

Thank you for all the comments and messages that have been sent.  Be assured I have read them all.  I apologize for being to tired to address each on right now.  I will try to get you all caught up in the next week.

Please keep the comments-emails & face book posts coming.  Mom not only loves them but truly looks forward.  It is the high light of her day.

For those who write every day! Way to go, you know who you are!! Big pat on the back.

Luv to all,  keep the prayers coming!!

Friday, January 28, 2011

UPDATE

Mom had -what we think to be a major angina attack- bad enough that I called the amulance.  After she was check out at the hospital, they have decided to keep her over night for observation.  There was no heart damage.

I know this is short and to the pint, but wanted to let everyone know.  I will post more as I know.

She is comfortable, stable and trying to rest.  

Luv to all,

Marj

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Some days Suck!

Today is one of them.  Mom has had a tough couple days. She is just exhausted.  She had been unable to sleep, as she needs to get up every hour or less to go potty.  When that constantly wakes you up, tough to sleep at all.  We tried a catheter, but due to the clotting, didn't work so well, so we tried again today.  Hopefully this will allow her to sleep for hours at a shot, rather than minutes.

She is really weak, but I am confident it is just from need a long winters nap.

We get to enjoy 70 degree weather the next couple days, but winter will be here on Tuesday.  High of 35 that day.  Then back to the warm stuff again.

The area is already prepping gardens, and working in the compost.  I just say oh compost!  That's what grocery stores are for. No time right now.  Steve is looking forward to the challenge of attempting to out wit the fire aunts and other critters that Montana and Wisconsin were not blessed with.

For everyone who has called lately, sorry, she just wants to sleep. So hoping no one is taking it personally.

Luv to all

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

All quiet on the Texas front

The Wisconsinite's left early yesterday morning for their long trip home.  Uncle Butch said he would like to come visit me this summer and help me, but it is to long of a ride, so he better stay at Danny's.  It sounds like he enjoyed the ride and seeing the sights, but think he might rather stay with Aunt Lu for a while! Just listening to him, it was easy to tell he LOVES living in his apartment at Uncle Danny & Aunt Lu's!  Can't be more proud and happy of how well he is doing and how generally happy he truly is!!!!

He was a great help while he was here.  I enjoyed making chicken dumpling soup, and he was very attentive, to insure that it was stirred regularly and that did not scorch.  Couldn't have done it without him.  He also told me he really liked my living room. Could have something to do with the red color on two walls!

Aunt Linda was a trooper, making such a long trip while still doing cardiac rehab.  I hope everyone will continue to keep her in your prayers for a quick and uneventful recovery.  I was concerned with making sure that the meals met every one's diets, considering all are now diabetic.  Makes me more than concerned that I will eventually meet that same fate.  Guess diet and excercise now, is of more importance than ever.

I know mom really needed to see the youngest of the "5 little indians" the "28th street gang" as they were know as.  It was great therapy for her heart and soul, and I am quite sure it was for them as well.

One of my former students in Sidney posted the following on face book, I thought it was a great quote to share, although I am not quite sure were it came from:

When things are hitting you all at once, you might check to make sure you aren't traveling in the wrong lane!

Mom is completely wore out, but so enjoyed seeing everyone.  Today was much tougher on her than most, but overall, she  is doing amazingly well given the cicircumstances.  Keep the calls and prayers com'n-even the e-mails she enjoys reading.

Luv to all

Sunday, January 23, 2011

WARNING! WARNING! The gangs all here!

 From Left to Right (Back row) Gary-Butch-Danny, and in front, Linda and Bonnie.

The Wisconsin-gang made the 17 hour trek from Fort Atkinson to Bowie Texas!

All survived the long trip and from the sounds of it, had a great time.  Uncle Butch told me he saw lots of things, but he was glad to finally get here.  It was a long trip!  I agree.

Saturday was spent in anticipation of their arrival.  They left at 6am and arrived here about 11:15pm.  Roger also came down Saturday night and was able to visit with mom for a while before the 28th street gang party began.  The party started with lots of hugs and hello's, and a tour of my home-(actually they all just wanted to know were the bathrooms were located!!)

The visit was cut short, as everyone discovered it was way past their bed times.  My wonderful mother in law had a spare guest room for two of my uncles to stay.  So everyone had their own beds to cozy up in and rest.  Everyone reported a good nights sleep, which got this morning up and running with lots of discussion and coffee drink'n!

Roger set up his magic recoding equipment (good to  have the movie guy in house!!) Following breakfast, multiple stories of their child hood and youth were shared.  Confession of past digressions and undiscovered pranks filled my home with laughter and lots of "you did what's??  It was amazing to listen to the stories as though they had just happened yesterday.  Filled with love and a true memories of a wonderful childhood.

The picture above was taken in my dinning room.  I spent the day listening, cooking, and enjoying Uncle Butch helping me make chicken dumpling soup.  I could not have done it without him!  How fun to spend the day with family.

Uncle Danny complained that the person he sees  in the mirror is not the person he expects to see in his mind.  I think that is an ailment we all seem to suffer from.

The girls were here most of the day, however Tressa suffered a nail in her tire,  but only an inconvenience-nothing that is incurable! That is what road side assistance is for right?

Red velvet cake was shared and enjoyed!!!!! No left overs.......And the bright spot of my day was my two awesomely cute grandsons racing in to the house and hunting me for lots of hugs and kisses, and trust me, I took everyone that were passing out! And stole a few more!

As much fun as I had, I realize I am pretty weary! Time for me to hibernate, to start all over again in the morning!

Luv to all,
Sweet dreams

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thursday

Her meds are here! I am on my way into pick ethem up! Whoot WhoooT!

Also, in the midst of all the focus on mom, we have failed to give our attention toward her baby sister, Aunt Linda!  Aunt Linda who lives in Kenosha Wisconsin is recovering from a myocardial infarction. She was literally in and out of the hospital in days, but is still recovering the aftermath.  We are so very excited that she too will  be accompanying hr 3 brothers on their trec across state to come and visit their older sister!  I cannot tell you how much she is looking forward to having, as they were known as "the 28th street gang" all together again.

So onward I go in making preparations for their arrival. I haven't seen the maid in a while, and darn, were is that magic wand.........................

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

It's already Wednesday and still a good week!

We had an early start this morning, as mom had fasting labs at 8am.  No food or meds after 10pm last night.  I was concerned for her as she went all night and had to wait until after the vampires sucked her dry, before she could have her pain meds, and breakfast.  I packed her a mini breakfast, which she had no problem devouring. I was so grateful, she tolerated it with what seemed to be major ease. However, when she got home, she was more than ready for a well deserved nap.

Today we received even more great news.  Mom's copay is officially covered and the pharmacy should have her meds in the morning! Yea!

We had a busy day, as a Hospital bed and wheel chair made there way  to my house today.  This should help with making mom more comfortable.  The bed allows her to have her chest and head elevated, making it easier for her to breath and sleep. The side rail allows her to move around and adjust herself more readily.

The chair will assist us in our travels. The oxygen tank just does not trail very easily behind the wheel chair.  This will mean I only need 5 hands instead of 6 when on the move! ha ha

This did mean a regroup and a well needed clean up in the office.  Finally got the computers plugged back in and this for the most part organized for now.  Just needed a bit more floor space, so mission accomplished!

Well, I had better get some work caught up. 

Wishing my beautiful red heads a very happy birthday! Can't believe they are 23!  I can't tell you how very proud I am of what wonderful young women they are. They have it all, beauty and smarts!-

Luv to all!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The day following Monday was just as magical!

With the endless trail of paperwork submitted to the drug company and countless prayers, we were blessed with the news, that regardless of the decision Pfizer makes, Mom will have her Chemo treatment. Hopefully she will receive the grant through Pfizer, who will send the medication directly to her.  But on the off chance they deny her, the Bowie Hospice will cover the cost of her co-pay! This is truly a blessing and one of the biggest stress reducers we have received! Better than any drug!!

I knew Hospice were angels, but did not realize just how big their wings really are!

I'll update more later, but for now this is me doing my happy dance!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Some Mondays are just plain good!

Today's visit to the doctor was a productive one.  He did change a few of the medications, not by much, but hopefully to achieve a better management. The doctor did confirm something that I have always know.  He told us to give her Maalox twice a day, to clean out her system, as her stomach was some what distended. (Translation-she is full of crap!) Yep I was right!!! Ha Ha I found allot more humor in this than did she!

The better of the news is that she should qualify for the Pfizer full copay cost. So her medication should be totally covered.  (At least that is what they tell me)  Now it is just a hurry up and wait.  I seem to be doing allot of that lately.  What a difference a day makes.  Hoping to find out tomorrow, or we will cover the cost out of pocket.  Either way, she will be back on the medication that seems to be slowing the progression of the cell growth.

We also have accepted help from hospice. There is additional assistance through them, that she is not eligible for otherwise.  It was tough to hear, but we have, as with the other stumbling blocks we have encountered, accepted it with the grace and love of our Heavenly Father. Knowing that we can get through whatever we need to face in the future.

Now to get my home ready for our much anticipated company.  Mom is so very excited to have her siblings all in one place at the same time, if even for a brief moment. She has been preparing for them, for what I am sure will be a non stop compilation of stories of the past and not do distant past.  Catching up on each others families.  Bragging on the kids and grand kids, and even the great grand kids.  Were does all the time go.  We blink and the next time you look in the mirror, you have grey hair.(not me, but the rest of you-I still have not had to color my 2 or 3 grey hairs!!!) Just how does that happen?  The getting old part.............

It is times like these that make us truly appreciate the phrase, "Life is short-don't waste a second of it!"

Luv to all,
                     tell the ones you love....That you love them!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sunday the 16th

I want to thank everyone who has offered thought and direction for covering the cost of mom's chemo treatment.  Here is what has been done so far.

I have two applications ready for submission to Pfizer, the manufacturer of the drug she is prescribed, and the other is to a cancer cost assistance network. Here's the catch though, Pfizer requires paperwork and proof of eligibility along with the info from the doctor and more paper work.  She may be eligible, but it will take 4-6 weeks for approval. So in the meantime, I either cover the cost while we wait or she goes without the medication. Considering that the two weeks she was on the medication made a difference, with the reduction of the amount of nodules in her last x-ray-waiting just cannot be in her future.

The second, a co-pay assistance network is one who's qualifications include that you have Medicare and the supplemental and drug coverage, which mom has, and finally having a low income, which should qualify her.  But again, the doctor must fill out and sign forms and there is a vast array of paperwork to submit as well.  This may be the better option, however it, as with Pfizer, it is hurry up and wait.  Time is not a luxury we currently have to waste! So depending on what I find out on Monday, when I go to the doctors on Tuesday, I will most likely be financing the pharmacists wages for the week! ha ha

I tried to win the lottery, but my dollar was just donated to the winner I guess!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, for those of you who work, Monday is tomorrow!

Luv to all

Friday, January 14, 2011

Another stumbling block!

Well, the insurance has approved her chemo treatment! This is a good thing.  But, the not so good thing is.......wait for it.....Co-Payment is...again....wait for it.........$987 per month.  Yep, pocket change right??  SO let's listen to their reason for not allowing her to receive her medication at 100% coverage,.......her house hold income is too high! WHAT??? REALLY???? SO let's do the math, shall we?  Chemo meds $987, plus house payment plus utilities.....oh wait, just ran out of money!!

So, now I am working on finding  some additional grants or angle networks.  In the mean time we wait, and time begins to work against us.  Along with the fact that it is the weekend now, and I have to wait until Monday.  Do these people not realize, patience is not my best asset??

If you are noting a bit of frustration, you are correct. A plus for you.  Guess this is one of those test we receive from time to time on faith.  I do have faith, but like it to work faster, ya know on my schedule not Heavenly Fathers schedule.  I must learn, some day, this lesson.  Yes I am working on it.  Admitting you have a problem is the first step right????

I think I will go take a hot shower and head to bed.  Maybe a good nights sleep will make for a better morning!

Luv to all

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A visit to the Doctor

We left the house by 8am, and headed to Wichita Falls.  I can't deny the high level of anticipation at what the assessment would be today.  We have had a few small setbacks, and of course the diagnosis of "CANCER" alone is enough to create an added dose of depression for everyone concerned.

But, after the chest X-ray, and labs the doctor informed us he had both good and not so good news. The good news, is there appear to be less nodules in her x-ray than the one 2 weeks prior.  Awesome news- and I quickly raised my head to the heavens for a heart felt thank you to our Heavenly Father who has been with us from the beginning.

The not so good news--insurance is still in progress for the chemo medication.  Mom finished the the sample bottle he gave her,  yesterday.  We are suppose to hear tomorrow, so again I will have cramped hands and feet from crossing the toes and fingers!

Getting the patient assistance may be a longer process, so once again, we hurry up and wait!  But with the better news, the waiting is not quite so painful this go 'round!

In celebration, we went Olive Garden for Lunch. Mom was introduced to the 'Tour of Italy" the fettachini was her favorite.  Now I know were Christine gets it from.  Steve enjoyed a sampler plater, which included calamari.  Glad he got those slimey sea creatures instead of me!

Just want to spread the thought around that prayer does work, mom is currently proof of that.  Keep them coming and working together, we can beat this!

To those of you who are also meeting challenges and health issues of your own, we wish you the love and comfort of our Heavenly Father. May you feel his loving arms wrapped all around you!  With him all things are possible.

Luv and prayers to all.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Jan 12 2011

Well, I am hoping it will start warming up tomorrow.  At least that is what the weather man says! Which really doesn't mean much when you think about it!  I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, just because I am really wanting warmer weather. Dreaming of the 60+ for Saturday.

The kids are heading back to reality, and should be driving in Louisiana about now.  Looking forward to seeing them tomorrow.  Wishing them safe travels. Most 'Grandparents' who get their grandkids during the time their kids are on vacation usually consists of children. ME,  I am babysitting Tressa's lab Cooper, Christine's designer dog Jesse (cuz I am not allowed to call her a mutt) and her 'PET' tarantula, Hector, and Hector's food supply, a container of crickets. (The crickets are very noisy!!) But it has been entertaining.

Once again, Mom is in the lead in the ongoing Cribbage tournament. That put a smirk (did I say that out loud?) I ment smile on her face, but she did it gracefully.

Tomorrow makes 1 month since mom was told the news that has changed her life.  We again see the oncologist, to see how effective the treatment has been. Again, fingers and toes crossed, and lots of prayers aimed upstairs!

Here is hopes for a better tomorrow!

Luv to all

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

January 1, 2011 AKA- 1-11-11

Another cold winter day in Texas.  We are expecting a low of 13 tonight with a high of only 31 degrees tomorrow.  But, that is ok, as by Friday it will be 52 and in the upper 60's this weekend. SO ..........I can handle 4 days of winter.

We are looking forward to having moms siblings come down.  We are expecting them on the 23 for several days. Look out Bowie Texas! The herd will be loose!

Also looks like Roger and his family will be here then as well.  We will get to raise the roof!

Mom and Steve were in the final five points of the finish line in a game of cribbage, Mom counted first, and had....zip zero zilch!!!!!! No cigar!  Steve has a 26 point hand and another 16 in the crib.  What a total waste of points.  Second game Mom did woop-up on him.  Lots of big point hands. Must be the "every thing is bigger in Texas" thing they talk about!!!

It was fun to listen to them badgering each other back and forth.  Allot of laughing was happening at the table.

Thursday we go to see the oncologist again.  Prayers are certainly welcomed.  Hoping for a great report. I currently have fingers and toes crossed.

We are all looking forward to seeing the pictures the kids took while in Florida.  Tressa has reportedly taken more than 1200.   Might be an all day photo review to see them all.  Should be a great time.

Hope all of you up north are keeping warm  Have faith, it will warm up some day next summer! ha ha

Luv to all!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Jan. 9- The begining of a new week

It has been an uneventful weekend, although so many called Mom this week, and she caught up on family she may have missed.  I think she is liking having long distance-she doesn't have to worry about one of those  "Oh my gosh" phone bills.  She is also liking the higher speed Internet. (Notice-I said higher speed, not high speed-it is pretty fast, but still has me reaching for a big club--occasionally!!)  But it does allow her to view and send pictures and she can now watch videos.  She has had a blast watching Clayton's video! 

We have enjoyed the girls & Brandon's trip to Disney World.  I love that technology allows you to see pics as they happen.  Ya don't have to wait until they get back, and develop pictures.  It really amazes me sometimes.

We had a -all be it-brief snow scare this morning.  Started out raining, then turned to sleet-then big flakes, and for about 18 minutes, we  a full white ground cover.  Thank goodness, winter is now over!! 2 hours of winter is all I need!  haha We are expecting cool temperatures the remainder of the week, but looking forward to Saturdays warm 60's again.  This is the reason I moved to Texas!!! Warm winters!!!

Rumor has it, that Mom's siblings will be making the trek to North Texas! She is really looking forward to their visit.  I am sure we can find a place for everyone to sleep.  The dogs are usually good about sharing their doghouse, and barn is always full of hay! Just kidding... 

Roger and his family will also be heading this way soon, so my very quiet house is enjoying lots of activity and welcomed company.  Brandon will be back with the girls on Thursday, (I think) It is nice having the tree of them around if even for a short time.

I might get to sneak my monsters over one of these next few days.  Nothing better then hugs, smiles and giggles from my two little grandsons.

Thursday we head back to the doctor to see how the chemo is working, and what progress has been made.

Keep calling her, she loves hearing from everyone.  If you need the number, message me or follow the previous blogs.  It is posted. 

Luv to all, enjoy each other!!!!!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Mom's day out!

Took mom and Steve into Bowie today. Steve checked out the local junk shops, (did I say that out loud?) ment 'ANTIQUE' shops.  He had a great time.  He found 4 new books @ $.25.  He's a bargan hunter I tell ya!

We are true rednecks, as Walmart was a fun filled adventure. Ya haven't traveled until someone askes you, "Were'd ja go ta-day?" and you answer with excitment "Walmart!"

She handled it welll, and overall, had a great day.

Luv to all!

Monday, January 3, 2011

January 3rd

It would seem that mom is gaining some of her strength back.  But don't get between her and her Internet!  It's like gett'n between a woman and her chocolate!  Technology is great, until ya can't get it to work.

I worked in Fort Worth today, so Mom and Steve again had to fend for themselves, but managed very well.
Thank goodness for left overs.  Dang, I just realized I have to cook tomorrow! haha

Tomorrow is a work from home day, and I have allot to catch up on.  I am just grateful I am able to work from home, and that my hours are not exactly "set" so I can work around the schedules that need to be met. Sound confusing I know, but it works.

It was 57 today, and I am so glad we have warmer weather.  Ron has always said about the north (remember we lived there for 45 plus years!!) When you live in the north, you are either brave or stupid.  When you work outside day after day, in the 40 below winters, and you don't know better, you are defiantly brave. BUTT, once you move to a place with warmer winters, and you choose   to live int he coooold north with 40 below winters, you are just stupid! ha ha hahaha  (with that being said......were do you fit in! Just kidding...)

We were able to get the rest of girls stuff moved yesterday, with the muscles from Brandon -Ron-Ryan & Thain & Tanny.  So glad that is over.  The best part was getting lots of hugs and "I luv you gramma" from my grandsons.  I so needed a monster men fix so bad! Best medicine ever!!!

I made Mom a root beer float today.  I never knew they have "no sugar" ice cream and the diet root beer--- (I got to be cool!!!!-Love it when I find fun stuff for her to eat-meals tend to be a bit boring)

Well this girl is gonna head to bed. 5am came really early this morning. I am ready to check my eyelids for holes, it may take up to 12 hours to insure no leaks!  Luv to all-thanks for the prayers!! They are working.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

A New and Happy year!

Today is the beginning of 2011, and it started off with everyone getting a good night's sleep.  Most of us were in bed by 9:30pm. Today was moving day for the girls, as they have moved from their 3rd floor apartment (No elevator!!!) to a very nice house with a back yard for the dogs (aka their kids!!)

Some how I always manage to fill the very limited days off Ron has, with work work work. Today he was praying for an emergency to get out of moving!!   Moving on the 1st of the year was not the best plan, as all the help they had lined up, for one reason or another, was unable to make it to help.

But, the Calvary arrived in the form of  Ron and Brandon! Dunt dunt DAAA!  The girls had no idea Brandon would be here today.  They were expecting him on Monday. Surprise surprise! He is stationed in Phoenix AZ (Air force) He is a crew chief, and helps keeps our airforce up and running!

The girls were blown away. They also have a very good friend, named John who came to help them until he had to go to work.  He got off last night at midnight, and was at their apartment by 9am, and helped them until 15 minutes before he had to go back to work at 4pm. That is friendship!!!

Mom and Steve enjoyed  getting to finally see Brandon as well.  It is awesome to have him home for a while.

Because we were gone helping the girls today, Mom and Steve were on their own, but I think probably they enjoyed the quiet and not having to put up with me all day!!!! Ya know how us nagging kids are!

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years Eve, and here's hoping the new year provides all the blessing you may need, and that you  may feel the comfort of our Heavenly Father's arms around you, when you are in need! It keeps my sanity, and provides more comfort for me  than anything else!